I’m going to go out on a limb and say that “The Seven Wonders” is one of the best finales of a television show I’ve ever seen. Well, minus the weird-ass Stevie Nicks meta-music video that opened the episode. Like I understand she’s awesome and the song is called “Seven Wonders,” but too much Ryan Murphy. TOO MUCH. Forgetting that ever happened (and I hope to), the episode was so satisfying as a whole and tied up all the loose ends of the season so, so nicely. Here’s what you missed:
The Seven Wonders
If you thought the performance of the seven wonders was going to take up the whole episode, think again. That shit was over before it was even halfway done! After having their last supper (caviar and champagne…typical), the girls (Misty, Madison, Queenie & Zoe) begin the seven wonders with telekinesis. Each girl moves a candlestick into her hands. Concilium comes next. Misty makes Queenie slap herself; Queenie makes Misty pull her own hair. Madison takes things a little (read: a lot) far and not only makes Zoe slap herself, but makes Kyle kiss her and lick her shoes. Zoe, of course, makes Kyle kiss her and Madison retaliates by making Kyle choke Zoe. It goes on for a while until Cordelia finally has enough of their shit and stops them. The third wonder is the descent into hell. The girls are given a deadline of sunrise to return their souls to their bodies. If they are unable to do so, their souls will be stuck in hell forever. Queenie is first to return (but she’s already done it before, so like unfair advantage). Madison comes back next, after having to star as Liesel in the live version of Sound of Music (nice dig Murphs!). Zoe quickly follows her after living through an endless loop of breaking up with Kyle. Misty, it turns out, isn’t the next supreme after all, as she never makes it back her hell (being continually forced to kill a live frog in a science class and being laughed at by 10 year olds). Her body turns to ash as the sun rises, leaving just Madison, Zoe and Queenie to vie for the title.
After watching Misty die, the girls decide to have a little fun with their next task: transmutation. They turn it into a game of tag, chasing each other around the house and out into the yard. It’s all fun and games until Zoe ends up speared on top of the school’s gate. I’m not kidding. She literally transmuted herself onto the spikes by accident. Kyle carries her into the greenhouse afterwards and Cordelia tries to get the girls to bring Zoe back. Queenie fails, which leaves Madison as the only supreme candidate left. Cordelia tries to convince Madison to bring Zoe back to life, but Madison refuses. Instead, she kills and then reanimates a fly and tells Cordelia to crown her supreme or kiss her ass.
Depressed by the thought of having Madison as the new supreme, Cordelia reverts back to her ‘i’ve-failed-everyone’ attitude. That is, until Myrtle says something that changes everything. She points out that though Madison has great power, Cordelia comes from supreme blood and therefore has great power as well. Myrtle demands that Cordelia also perform the seven wonders because Lord knows she doesn’t want Madison as supreme either. Reinvigorated, Cordelia breezes through the first three tasks. Madison rejoins the race for supreme during divination. Myrtle asks the two to find items hidden throughout the house by ‘feeling’ them through pebbles. Cordelia, again, easily finds her item. But when it’s Madison’s turn to divine, she freaks out. She picks out two wrong locations and then calls the whole thing a set up and walks off threatening to tell TMZ everything.
As Madison packs her things to leave the school, Kyle appears in the doorway distraught. He confronts Madison for letting Zoe die and begins to choke her. Madison tries to tell him she did it because she loves him, but Kyle isn’t having her shit and calls her out for ‘not being that good of an actress.’ OH BURN, MADISON. Anyways, as Kyle chokes Madison to death, Cordelia completes another wonder by bringing Zoe back to life. After doing so, Cordelia passes out and when she comes to, she is completely healthy. Her eyes have healed (THANK THE LORD, they were really grossing me out), her hair is blonder, and she’s ascended to supreme.
After Cordelia’s ascension, the episode jumps forward in time a little. Cordelia is giving an interview about witches on TV. She has revealed the coven’s existence and asks potential witches to not hide, but come and join them in New Orleans. A flood of applications come in from mostly goth-angsty teenagers (most of who are probably NOT witches). Cordelia appoints Queenie and Zoe to the Council so that they can help her manage the growing coven. And they will also fill the void left by Myrtle, who tells Cordelia to burn her at the stake for her previous crimes against the coven or be labeled a hypocrite in the media. Cordelia begrudgingly complies and Myrtle is burned at the stake. (Her last word? Balenciaga.)
Just before opening the doors to the line of witch wannabes, Cordelia feels something in the house and excuses herself. She walks into the parlor and finds Fiona sitting in a chair smoking. WHAT, YOU ASK? YOU THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD? Yeah, so did I. Well, she’s not dead, although she sure looks close to death’s door (see below if you dare)
Turns out she planned the entire thing. Even the Axeman’s death! She planted a memory of him killing her in his head, knowing that after she disappeared Cordelia would come looking. Then, thinking Fiona was dead, Cordelia would make the girls perform the seven wonders (which she did, obviously) and Fiona could return to kill just the new supreme instead of everyone.
The plan changed considerably once Fiona found out that Cordelia was the new supreme. Instead of coming to kill, she’s come to be killed. She asks Cordelia to put her out of her misery and kill her. Cordelia refuses and asks Fiona to finally let emotion in, to feel fear and uncertainty and then to let it all go. And then, as Fiona and Cordelia hug for the first time ever, Fiona dies. She descends into her own personal hell: eternity with the Axeman.
With the old coven gone, the time comes to usher in new blood. Cordelia gives the approval to open the doors and a new class of witches enters the school. The episode closes on Cordelia, who with a huge smile on her face, welcomes the new witches into the coven and proudly assumes her title as supreme.